I am puke
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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