Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
