i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
