Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You ate ashes out of my bong
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
