I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
