i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
