we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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