Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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