Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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