Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
