There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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