I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
