ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
