I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
lets start a swedish sibling band together
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
