We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
