I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
