I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
