i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
