i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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