I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
