He passed out mid-signature
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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