Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
