Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
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