Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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