so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im holly from the hills drunk
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
