I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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