i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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