I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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