Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
