I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
