I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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