just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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