At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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