i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I need a burrito and a hug.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
