i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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