I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I want to fling myself into the sun
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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