I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
