Can Purell be used as lube?
I wish I only lived at night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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