Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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