im gay
i know
yea but for you.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
