I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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