I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
