My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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