Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
