who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
