didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
