I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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