I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He did a backflip because drugs
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