There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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