Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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