I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
