Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
