i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
