He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
